Please Eat
by EvilBlackBunny
Summary: Prowl really did like to think he knew everything, but he didn't know how to handle this. For some reason, Nell stopped eating.


**This shitshow has a backstory, but instead of having you read the entire things origin, I'll summarize.**

 **This AU branches off from** **Predacons Rising** **. Everything after that episode hasn't occurred in this world. Things stagnated for several years before picking up again, causing a [barely mediocre] fanfic to take place. The Sky is Yours!, as it was, is a long winded dumpsterfire… However, this was an** **idea I had. It's not a fun idea, but there's no reason not to write it down, I suppose. It's kinda info-dumpy at bits, but I wanted to work my writing muscles. Not feeling much for the original works lately.**

 **Anyway, here you go.**

 **X**

 _If only I could love you enough to give you what you need_

 _If only I could be for you the hand that feeds_

 _'Cause I know you can only starve so much_

 _'Til you like how it feels_

 _Sitting on a throne of bones_

 _Staring at that cold meal_

/

Prowl knew his partner. At eight months together, he liked to think he knew plenty about Nell. He knew her favorite color, her birthday, her favorite breed of horse, everything down to her shoe size and shampoo. Favorite film, book and music genre! Her dead name and her blood type, her ringtone and her preferred coffee brand.

The ninja bot knew more than her favorite things. He knew her anxiety medication, and took the liberty of tracking and auto-refilling it on her behalf. He knew to prompt her for medical appointments if she was due, because she'd let that go if someone wasn't there to remind her. He knew what to do if one of her horses threw her, how to handle a head injury, and how much she hated helmets but wore them for his sake.

Prowl really did like to think he knew everything, but he didn't know how to handle _this_.

For some reason, Nell stopped eating.

He didn't notice it at first. He'd kick himself for it later.

Nell skipped breakfast on occasion. That was nothing new. Recently, she claimed to have worked through lunch. He'd been called away to the city that night, and the next morning, Nell was already up and working again. She told him she'd had dinner after he left, and a good breakfast that morning. So, she'd likely be skipping lunch.

Yet, Prowl knew better. He could hear her stomach growling. A quick scan of her vitals proved her blood sugars were lower than if she had eaten like she'd claimed. When he'd checked the fridge, nothing was moved. Nothing was missing save for a small amount of milk for her coffee.

Organics needed to eat daily. Nell wasn't. She had food that she was ignoring, and he didn't understand why.

He decided to offer her an apple. Not a meal, but it was food!

Nell smirked at him, taking it into a large hand. "I'm good. I already ate."

"Have a bite, at least."

The woman lowered her brows a bit at him, amber eyes tired. "I'm good."

"Nell."

"I'm not hungry."

The ninja frowned. "Nell, _please_. Put something in your stomach."

"I'm not _hungry_." She stood slowly and took her leave from the barn. She whistled to the mule, Casio, and scratched his nose when he got close for the apple.

Prowl's spark clenched at the sight of the fruit being devoured by Casio. Normally an interesting sight, but now…

 _Slag_. He'd try again later. Maybe a banana would work.

/

The banana didn't work.

He'd handed it to her when she'd come into the barn for a curry comb. Not cornering her but not letting her pass easily.

"Cut it out." She pushed his servo away.

Frowning, Prowl offered it again. "I haven't seen you eat in almost two days."

Nell glared. "Just cuz you don't see it doesn't mean I'm not doing it."

The black and gold mech planted a servo to his hip. "Then indulge me. Eat at least half of the banana."

"Fucks sake." The woman made a noise and stormed off. "I've got shit to do. I'll eat later."

"Nell!"

"Later! Christ."

Prowl sat by the table under the barn loft, one servo outstretched. Primus, what now? He'd made it worse, at a loss of what to do other than to follow his partner out of the barn.

Nell refused to look at him, her bottom lip set firmly between her teeth as she raked her square-tipped fingers down her beloved donkey's back.

Brandy, for her part, stretched her neck out, upper lip waggling at the wonderful scratches.

The human grumbled. "I don't want to talk about this."

"We have to, Nell."

"No, we don't." Grasping a fistful of mane in one hand, Nell slung a leg over the donkey's back. The donkey didn't seem to mind and simply walked away with her human on her back. "I've got stuff to do."

The bot followed. "Nell-"

She clicked her tongue and gave the donkey a small kick. Brandy snorted and went into a trot with little protest. "We'll talk later, okay? I can't right now." Nell gripped a handful of mane as Brandy milled away and over a hill. Casio, realizing his human and his dam were both going out of sight, let out a bray and sped their way, kicking playfully at Prowl as he went by.

Prowl let Nell go. Again. His spark clenched painfully, again. He'd failed _again_.

Sighing, he turned back to the barn, and hopped onto the roof. He was at a loss, and it was obvious something was wrong that he couldn't repair on his own.

He was thankful to hear Sari's voice on her end of the comm line.

" _Hey, Prowler. Long time no see."_

"You saw me the other night."

" _Aw, that doesn't count! We never hang out anymore. So, what's up?"_

A deep cycle of his vents did enough to calm him down. "It's about Nell. You knew Nell well before I did."

" _Yeah?"_ she replied in confusion.

"She's doing something that I don't know how to approach."

" _What's up?"_ The teens confusion grew. He could almost feel her concern through the comm link.

Prowl sighed. "She's not eating."

" _Shit."_ The techno-teen let out a quiet whine. _"Okay okay, uh, it's nothing you did or didn't do. It's dysphoria."_

"Dysphoria?" A look online brought up a fresh surge of trouble.

Sari took a deep breath, and continued quietly. _"She was like this a lot during pre-op. Not eating so she'd be thinner and more feminine? I don't get it, but it's a thing."_

"She's female if she _says_ she is." Horror bloomed within his spark. How did starvation make one _attractive_?

" _I dunno, I think her hands and shoulders are what do it."_

The ninja chirruped. That didn't make sense! Strong hands and broad shoulders were wonderful traits for Nell's build and job… though when he thought about it, they were considered masculine traits for humans. Prowl's brow furrowed. "How do I get her to eat?"

" _Don't, like, force it, just… I dunno, ask her what's up."_ Optimus could be heard in the background. _"I gotta go, keep me posted. Bye!"_ The line went dead.

The bot lowered his servo. Okay, he had a starting point. Situation assessed, it was time to chose a move.

/

The woman brushing the mule hummed to herself as black tufts of fur drifted away in the wind. Casio was great at standing for grooming and hoof care, unlike his father. The sounds of fur getting raked and the distant rip-and-chew of cud was interrupted by the soft sound of pedes on grass.

Prowl knew how she was about his sneaking up on her.

Her brush paused as he halted before her, some feet away. "Hey."

Prowl watched his partner in concern, before taking a seat in the grass.

The human watched the mech from over the back of her mule. "Well?"

He cocked his helm.

"Is this the part where you present an orange and I disappear or something?"

He righted his helm.

Nell groaned. "Love, look. I know you're worried, but I'm fine. I've gone longer than this, and I came out fine." She rested her head against the pelt of the mule. "It's-"

"Dysphoria," he muttered.

"Mens hands! Lookit 'em, they're huge."

"They're strong hands for soothing creatures and throwing hay. For climbing ladders and grooming horses."

She looked up at him with a face between sadness and disgust. "But not for a _woman_." Her voice lowered. "I have shoulders like a _fucking linebacker._ I cringe I am miles better than I was a decade back, but hormones and surgery _don't_ fix everything." Modern medicine could re-imagine _this_ and shave down _that_ , but her hands were still big and her shoulders still broad.

"Your shoulders are perfect to lift bales of hay and heft draft saddles."

"You don't get it. You _like_ your body."

"Not always."

Her silence urged him to continue.

The mech sighed. "When I first took these mods, they changed who I was. I was impressed with how powerful I felt. The first time, I took them off out of shame. The second time-"

"Shame?" She crossed her arms over the mule's back, resting her chin on her hands. "What's that about?"

At least she was talking to him now! Prowl's gaze shifted to the clouds overhead. "In my haste to capture a Decepticon, I ripped down a tree. Doing so crushed several unhatched eggs." He cycled his vents at the old memory. "The second time was that I had no use for them. They needed to be used for something. Meditation wasn't healing, it was dull. Practice was pointless without a living target. Nature was a waste of time I could have used to do something else." He shrugged, palms up. "So, they gathered dust until you were taken by Sentinel."

Nell blinked slowly, and swallowed. "Do they hurt you now?"

Lowering his servos to rest on his knee plates, the black and gold bot shook his helm. "No. They've a use now."

The idea of a certain unhinged blue bot flashed in her mind. "Right." Strong hands ran through soft hair and the woman calmed herself. "Prowl. I want you to understand."

"I can't," said the bot simply.

Nell scoffed, and hid behind the mule somewhat.

"Organics must eat daily. You haven't eaten anything in at least two days."

"Four."

Prowl's visor widened. "Four."

Nell raised her head. Those bright eyes had grown dark and tired in such a short time. "Yeah."

Behind his visor, optics flickered. He promptly reached into his subspace, and pulled free a mandarin orange. The fruit looked so tiny in his tan digits, but Nell looked even tinier to his optics. "Please, eat."

The woman frowned and emerged behind the mule, a hand trailing the beasts rump. The brush still in one hand, Nell sighed out of her nose, and took the fruit. "Okay."

The ninja-bot smiled softly. "Thank you." He placed a soft kiss on the crown of her head. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She meant it! By earth, she meant it!

...but her hands looked so large gripping that fruit. Her shoulders, tense, she could swear were visible in her periphery. Gulping, she pressed her thumb under the thin skin of the fruit, breaking it away and ripping it slowly into a spiral. Delay and he might wander off on his own.

Prowl was an _excellent_ statue.

Nell tugged free a segment of fruit and ate it in two, rough bites. The second segment was free when Prowl stood up, servo to his helm.

"On my way." He frowned softly at his human. "There's a robbery in progress. I have to go."

That got her attention. "Go, go! Be safe!"

Prowl nodded, and transformed to peel out of the field with a hard rev of his engines. His sirens didn't kick on until he'd hopped the fence and hit the gravel driveway.

Haggard, amber eyes stared after her partner until the tail lights faded into the dusky air. Not looking behind her, she let out a short, sharp whistle, and held out the rest of the orange.

Slow, plodding hoof beats approached her as a gray muzzle happy gobbled down the fruit.

A few more days. She could do a few more days and then maybe she'd be happy enough with herself to take Prowl up on whatever fruit he'd offer her next. She loved her ninja-bot, but he didn't understand.

/

Prowl wasn't blind, but Nell seemed to think he was. He gave her chances to fix this, to accept his help in the form of food and discussions, but she'd _lied_.

Plan B, then.

Prowl ducked into the barn to find Nell bent over a crossword and a cup of coffee. Her blood glucose readings were alarming, but he was well-schooled in playing dumb. "Sari's been asking about you."

"Hello to you too." The woman smirked. "What about?"

"More or less, movie night at the plant."

She made a face. "Well… we haven't done that in ages, so, what, like, tonight or something?"

He shrugged. "I told her I would ask, but she did say tonight."

"Plant sleepover!" She stood, swaying a little as she did. Dizzy but shrinking. Dizzy but _shrinking_. Another few days and she'd be fine. "Got a set time? The horses are all set for the night either way."

Prowl nodded. "It's best we leave now. I found a shortcut to skip traffic on days like this."

"It congested this early?"

He shrugged. "Rush hour." Transforming with a thump, the black and gold mech revved himself at her. "Hop on."

Nell climbed onto his seat and took the helmet out of his sidecar. She strapped it on before laying flat against the faux leather and grasping the handles.

Prowl winced internally. Primus alive, he could feel her ribs against his cushion. Wasting no time, he peeled out of the barn, taking the shortcut through tree tunnels and over high hills. He was right, it would get them to the plant faster than the main road if traffic were taken into account… but there was no serious traffic today. This route took them to the opening of the city limits, not the back way to the industrial parts where he and his fellow bots resided.

She'd have noticed if she'd had the energy to pay attention.

Twenty minutes of silence and scenery later, he pulled not into the plant parking lot, but into that of a Motor City Medical.

Nell sat up sharply, furiously working to get the helmet off. "What the _fuck-_ "

"You lied."

Ice gathered in her chest, helmet held in both hands. Shit. He'd lost all amicability, all softness. Prowl's voice sharpened to an edge as deadly as his shurikens in the span of two words.

"I can't blame you. You think you're doing what's right." Prowl's hologram popped to being in a second. He faced her with a scowl. "The reality is that you're killing yourself. I can't allow that."

"I'm not gonna die! People don't die after a few days!" She had to do this. It was the only thing that'd worked before!

"You've had _maybe_ some milk and a piece of fruit over the course of one week."

"Exactly! I'm not starving myself, it's fasting! People fast all the time, and-"

"Enough, Nell." Two words, glacial and stern. "Here is how _this_ is going to work." He pulled off his helmet to reveal his slicked back blond hair and narrow, blue eyes. "One, I take you to the hospital and have them help you, _or_ two, you can tell me anywhere you want to go for a meal, and I'll take you on a date." After he broke her fast _properly_.

Nell leaned away on her palms, fixing her partner with wide, angry eyes. "You're shitting me!"

Prowl set down his helmet, brows low and furrowed. "I'm not. You have your options."

Shoving the hologram and not getting a reaction from him, the woman snapped. "Why's it such a big deal? I'm fixing the problem, you don't get it!"

Gloved hands gripped thin wrists as the holo leaned forward. "You're killing the only piece of you I can touch!" Turning her hands over to rest palm up, he pressed his thumbs into the meat of her hands. Blue burned into amber with nothing but terror born of love. "Our time is short as it is. I don't want to lose you sooner than we can help. If forcing you into a hospital is what I must do, then that is what I _will_ do."

Breaking the gaze he had on her, Nell looked down to their hands entwined on Prowl's seat. Brows pinched in defeat. Curse her brain and curse herself for lying to him.

"Nell," Prowl's voice dropped to that tone he used when he needed to get through to her. There was so much love and gentleness in his voice that it'd shock anyone to hear it from him. "If I had another way, I'd use it. This is not enjoyable for me. I'm giving you a choice because I love you." Sarcastic and frosty as he could be, the ninja was open and affectionate with her.

She didn't deserve such a gentle soul. "...fine. Okay. We can have our date."

Gloved hands that lacked organic warmth grasped her upper arms. " _After_ we have your body used to food again. I already have a shopping list prepared. We'll go now."

"What about the plant?"

Blue eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. "I lied."

"You can do that too, eh?"

"If need be."

"Okay. One thing though?"

He gave a nod.

"On our date, can… can I see your optics?"

He frowned, not angrily. "Why?"

"You said you have them, but I've never seen them."

"If you think that's going to change my mind, you're wrong."

"Ultimatums suck, babe." But he'd made one and she loved him too much to tell him off. "You don't have to do it if you're really not into it, but-"

"I'll do it."

Nell frowned, a brow raised. "That easy?"

"For our _date_ , I'll do it." It wracked his nodes like nothing else, but it was worth a shot.

/

Rabbits Run Drive-In was a bit out of the way, but it was a worthy drive for the scenery alone. Prowl had never taken the road before, but the scent of fresh blooms and the warmth of Nell on his back made the new territory a breeze. Nell sat behind him, her arms wrapped around his hologram's middle.

Pea gravel crunched under his wheels. The holo sat up, brows up. "This is the place?"

"Yeah babe." Swinging her legs over his seat, Nell stood and walked to the ordering window. "Off the main road, woods all around so you can transform and not have too many onlookers."

He hummed with a nod. The hill off to the side of the building looked perfect for this date. He reached into his side car and pulled out his prepaid card. A gift from professor Sumdac in the event that any of the bots needed to use human money. He hopped off his body and followed closely behind. "Take this."

"Babe-"

But he pressed the card into her palm with a soft smile. "My treat, remember?"

"Right." Nell fidgeted and stared at the nearby picnic table in thought. "You okay if I eat meat?"

The holo gave her a flat look. "You're omnivorous and need protein."

"M'kay." She took the card and turned to the pierced and dyed man in the window. "Hey, yeah, I'm gonna get the bison burger, no tomato, side of fries over done, and a banoffee malt."

The man took the card from her after punching her order in. "Nice wheels."

She giggled. "They're my boyfriends."

"Cool. Total's fifteen even, order number is at the bottom of the receipt. We'll call when it's ready."

"Thanks!" Turning to the holoform she nodded to the hill. "Ready to sit?"

The holo dispersed, and Prowl transformed into bipedal mode before walking towards the hill. "I'll be waiting."

In the small drive-in, the man that took Nell's order gaped at the sight, leaning out of the order window.

The woman beamed. "Told you they were my boyfriends."

A short time later, the order was ready for Nell at the pick-up window. It came in a blank, white bag, the shake in a blank cup. "Okay, feeding time." Setting onto her butt in the grass, she set to work on her burger with gusto. She got about halfway through before setting it down with a nervous grin. "Wow. Guess I needed that."

"Seems likely."

Nell wiped her mouth with a napkin. "I bet Sari would like this place. Better quality meat than Burger Bot." Their food always left her gassy.

That raised a question the ninja bot never thought to ask. "How did you meet Sari initially?"

"Huh, that's a hell of a tale." Nell pushed her hair over her shoulders and took a long drink of her shake. "I met Sari in an ally. She was freaked out because of the Key's modifications. I didn't know what was wrong _exactly_ , just that she was a scared kid in Detroit at _midnight_." She kindly left out that _she_ had been outside in Detroit at midnight to have a smoke.

Prowl chirruped. "I remember! We were canvasing the city for her when Optimus received the call."

"I gave her my number in case she needed to talk to someone who got what was going on." Taking a sip of her shake, she blinked. "Oh that's nice."

"Good."

Examining her fries, she smirked. "You ever try human food?"

"Once. A single marshmallow put me out of commission for a week."

Giggling, she asked "Why a marshmallow?"

"It appeared safe." Who knew a small, squishy pink pillow could take him down!

"Here I was, gonna offer you a fry."

"All yours."

"Cool." Eating a few fries, Nell sighed. "Sari and I would hang out now and then, went to a couple of safer raves in the warehouse district together. A guy I was dancing with got… handsy."

The ninja-bot hummed in disapproval. "Rude."

"He's the same guy who, uh… stabbed me."

He whirred loudly, visor wide. "You _knew_ him?"

"Hardly! Mr Handsy hung out in the back ally to 'fix me', and… well, then the ER trip happened. One of the doctors refused to help me because I hadn't had bottom surgery. One lawsuit later and boom. I bought land and paid for my surgeries with money to spare." Eating another couple fries, she paused to wipe her hands off on a napkin. "Issac was pissed. His kid had to cover up stab wounds with one hand and threaten to blow a guys head off with the other."

His visor narrowed with a sharp dip in the center. "Not at you, I hope!"

Shaking her head, she continued. "He was mad at _everything_. Me doing something dumb, Sari having to see it, the doctor that refused to help me, Detroit Police for taking it as just a stabbing. Before me, gender identity wasn't protected under- babe you're shaking."

He was. Cycling his vents a few times to calm himself, Prowl let out a burning hot breath. "What-" He cleared his intakes, and continued. "What happened to the man that harmed you?"

"Oh, uh, he took a plea deal. Plead guilty and was out in a few years."

"That's not _fair_ ," he grit out. "Where was I when this happened?"

"…I don't know!" Nell smiled nervously. "I think you were busy. I only talked to you, what, twice? Back then? Maybe?"

He only vaguely remember a young human with long hair hanging around with Sari after she'd used the key on herself. "I see."

Tucking her food wrapper into the open bag of her order, she continued. "Isaac hired a lawyer on my behalf. Simon vs. Detroit was a hell of a suit."

Prowl quickly glanced at the internet file on the case involving his partner. All parties involved settled out of court for less than she sued for, but still a substantial amount of money for one person.

"Invested a ton of it into Sumdac Robotics, cash out if I need anything. Bought the horse farm, got surgeries, cut ties after the checks were made out. All said and done, I was set for life and I didn't wanna hang around in a city that tried to kill me. I kept in touch, but… well, getting stabbed changes stuff."

"Fair enough."

"What about you, babe? Anything you wanna share?"

Prowl shrugged. "There isn't much to tell. I was protoformed near the end of the war. I would race for credits in the underground circuit when I was caught in a sting operation." He sighed, visor flat at the top. "Racing was seen as a waste of resources that could have been wasted on weaponry."

"Sting?"

"Breaking into an energon storage facility does not end well for most. I was spared a criminal record that went beyond anything petty."

Nell chuckled. "Never took you for the bad boy type." A pause, and she corrected, "Okay, a little."

Prowl hummed with a nod. "To keep out of the prison system, I was taken to a master of Circuit-su, Yoketron." Lifting a servo, he rested it on his helmet. "This was his. It was… missing from his form when he passed."

"You told me about that. About Lockdown. Not a mech I want to meet."

"He'd have to get past me first."

"Maybe I should get that rocket launcher."

The ninja waved a servo at her, trying not to laugh. "No. No rocket launchers. Please."

"I dunno, Prowl. I can see me holding one, and getting thrown back a couple feet when it goes off. Y'know? Click, boom, whee!"

The ninja let himself laugh, but his smile faded slowly. His helm tilted skyward, lower lip component jutting further out in thought. "I'm… uneasy. About my visor. Since we're being honest with each other."

"I don't blame you. I used to think the visor was your optics."

"Mm. Might as well be." He lifted a servo to his faceplate, and slid his index finger over the top of the visor, thumb slipping underneath. "Just a moment. It's not easy to remove."

Nell winced. "It doesn't _hurt_ , right?"

"Only my pride." Click. Twang. Off it came. Here he went. Offlining his optics, then lowered his arm and turned his helm to face where Nell sat.

She was silent for a moment, confusion coloring her words. "Prowl, are… are you blind?"

He chuckled. "No, no. I'm nervous."

"Why?"

He frowned, brows lifting. "I-" He sighed. "It's hard to explain without showing you, but I'm still scared to show you!" This was going horribly. Organic warmth touched his faceplate where black met gray.

"Prowl. It's okay if you can't do it. I'm seeing them, even though they're off. Close enough. You can keep them closed and put the visor back on if you-"

He opened his optics.

Violet met amber.

"Oh. Oh! Okay that-" She pointed, a surprised smile cracking her face. "That explains a lot!"

Prowl blinked. "It doesn't scare you?"

"Why would it? It's perfect."

"But what it means-"

"Prowl. Babe. I'm human. Who gives a shit if you're neutral?"

"My teammates might." He knew his place among his fellows, the quiet loner with a sharp wit and an organic mate. The visor had been for his safety when the war was still firmly raging since everyone at the time was picking sides. Picking the third option, neutrality, wasn't safe to flaunt! Now the visor was to fit in better with his teammates while staying true to his personal morals.

"Well, _they_ don't have to see." From what she could tell, his visor was a pain to take off. "If they have a problem with it, you can move in with me permanently."

He felt himself smile, spark alight. "...really?"

"Well yeah, nature boy. I kinda like having you around!" She'd also get to see those beautiful optics any time she wanted.

He sighed, letting out a chuckle from relief. "One of the first things I told you about enemy mechs were optic color. Yet here I am."

"Hey, they're not red. I think I'll be fine." She leaned back onto her elbows. The sky was tinted gold as the sun started to sink. "So… so, since we're being open about stuff, I do need to say something. Not sure how."

Patient as ever, the mech folded his servos and waited.

"I… fuck. I still don't like my hands. Or shoulders. Eating and talking doesn't fix my brain." He did so much for her and all she seemed to do was cause more problems for him.

He nodded, once.

"I think I should do counseling? If that's not too much?"

"Your health means everything, Nell. Mentally or bodily, it's not too much. And, think of it this way." His smile was soft and hopeful. "If you maintain a healthy diet, you'll _gain_ weight. Added weight would help to hide those things you dislike so much."

Fiddling with the wrapper she peered at him through her bangs. "Think so?"

He kissed her forehead. "I know so."

Crumpling up her trash to toss out, Nell asked "Uh, wanna help me pick a counselor?"

He re-affixed his visor and gave her a pouting frown. "If I left you to it, you'd never get it done."

"You're not wrong, nature boy." Nell laughed, and that made it all worth it.

 **X**

 _It's not your body that I love_

 _But it's the shell you're inside of_

 _And you're killing it, you're killing_

 _The only piece of you I can touch_

 _It's not your body that I need_

 _But that's what sleeps next to me_

 _And you're killing it, you're killing it_

 _You're killing it, please eat_


End file.
